


Bon Courage, Bonney

by Aibhilin



Series: The Women of One Piece [7]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Ace Lives, Ace is a fire hazard, Alternate Marineford Events, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, I took canon and had a go at it with a screwdriver, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, because I'm still in Marineford related denial, in an unconventional way but hey when the plot bunnies bite they bite, this is my attempt at comedy folks, women for the win
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24200647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aibhilin/pseuds/Aibhilin
Summary: When Shakky promised her more information about her Devil Fruit, she was intrigued. The complication of the only person who apparently held said knowledge being scheduled to be executed soon was a hindrance, but one she could live with.Said person being used as bait for instigating a war between the marines and the Whitebeards, however, well, that made for quite the problem-ridden information retrieval. Yet, Bonney still wagered she could sneak in and extract the information somehow.Now, if only there weren't as many dumbasses involved...Crackfic, starts immediately at Marineford, so beware, dear readers.
Relationships: Jewelry Bonney & Monkey D. Luffy, Jewelry Bonney & Portgas D. Ace, Jewelry Bonney & Trafalgar D. Water Law
Series: The Women of One Piece [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726342
Comments: 25
Kudos: 91





	1. Changing the Tides

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stereden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereden/gifts).



> This one came out of a simple conversation about Bonney and her Devil Fruit. I did NOT want for the plotbunnies to bite me, but here we are. Everything that follows is the plot bunnies' fault. Evil, those.  
> Enjoy!

Children are fast.

That’s a fact.

They’re also small.

Another fact, and one that she relies on heavily, now.

Adults are stupid, sometimes.

In the confusion that is this battlefield, her stature is concealing her well.

Pirates and marines are downright dumb, she’s learned long ago.

Most adults don’t even pay attention to anyone running through and passing by their legs.

The only thing that impedes her now is that with her loss of height comes an inherent loss of distinct orientation markers.

On Marineford’s shores, it hasn’t hindered her much, but then again, at the time not falling into the sea has taken up most of her concentration.

Now that she is on solid – okay, the ice counts as semi-solid – land, she can’t afford to stop moving. For that is the only thing that keeps her from becoming a sitting duck, when faced with the prospect of the numerous gunshots flying through the air.

As it is, her four-year-old self scurries about, this way and that, to slowly, stealthily, make her way towards the front.

Swords clashing around her do nothing for her peace of mind.

Ah, every now and again, she can glimpse the execution platform, high above the battlefield.

Gritting her teeth, she ventures on as carefully as she can – the mantra that she’s “too slow, too little, too late to make it on time” cursing through her head.

Concealing her long, fabulous hair underneath that cabin boy’s hat is uncomfortable, but bearable for now. Worse is the get-up she had to resort to in order to keep hidden aboard a random Whitebeard Allies’ ship of her choosing.

Grimacing at the coarse fabric wrapping loosely around her skin – baggy clothes hide her better, she’s long since found out – she nonetheless pushed on, glaring at where she thinks the Admirals are standing.

* * *

Okay, no. She’s taking it back. Bonney’s been _just on time_ , for once.

Whipping her hands out in front of her, her eyes wide open and fixed on the goal of reaching the two idiot dumbasses right there, one crouched and the other like a bloody idiot standing over the younger of the two with all the bravado of a sheepled goat, she is flying towards them at a low angle and-

barely manages to touch them, but it’s enough, it’s enough for her Fruit to take effect and then-

A magma hand is whipping straight over the three of them, hot air almost burning across her back, her hands close around the two children on the field to bring them with her in a roll forwards and from the corner of her eye, she can see the moment when the man isn’t quite able to stop his momentum and tips forward and-

A satisfying crunch is heard as the magma man faceplants straight into the ice.

* * *

And now she has another problem vying for her attention as she’s getting out of her forward roll to break into a run, making a beeline for the pirate fleet nearby:

tucked away safely under both her arms, the child-versions of… yes, that’s Strawhat Luffy on her left, and Portgas D – oh, no, it’s Gol D now, isn’t it? – Ace on her right-hand side shake off their shock to start squirming for their lives.

Her hissed “Stay still, you idiots!” does not calm them one iota, although at least the Whitebeard pirates surrounding her can tell she means to get the two brothers out of this mess and let her through without opposing her, forming a line behind her to defend them on their getaway where necessary.

The skin underneath her right eye starts twitching when the Strawhat captain begins shouting “Gum-gum-“ and drawing back his left hand, heralding a possible attack at her person from _underneath her armpits_ and no, Jewelry Bonney did not sign up for this! So she relaxes her grip on that one, peh, he’ll need to find his own way out if he attacks her-

To come to a baffled and abrupt halt as his arm suddenly extends in front of the three of them-

Only to punch Crocodile right in his face and make him fall over in surprise from the force of it.

* * *

That’s not where the problems end, however, as all of a sudden the bundle underneath her right shoulder catches fire.

(Letting go of the child under her left arm in panic just as his arm is retracting may not have been the strategically best idea so far, but it’s saved her from the ricochet, so there’s that.)

(To be fair, the oof he made when he comically lands several times like a bouncy ball a few feet away from them in the direction of the way they came from is quite funny to watch)

(the way she is then left holding up a _burning child-version of the Pirate King’s son_ like a hot potato has not been how she’d thought her day would turn out at all)

And, oh, there’s a conveniently _burning bird_ landing close by to her right and her next best idea is to simply throw the burning boy at the burning bird to deal with, she is _out of here_ , preferably now.

The submarine that’s showing up out of the blue ( _ha, literally!_ ) is only the third least-expected-thing-to-happen for her, at that point all her fucks have flown off to who-knows-where.

Next, an admittedly halfway-handsome stick-on-legs with a black mop of hair beckons them over and the merish? Fishman? – he is holding a knocked-out Luffy in his hands, the burning chicken – oh, now it is a man? Bonney is really done with the whole gender of them by now – with Ace and she amble towards it almost in a trance.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Bonney's objective achieved, she's left to stew over her frustration as she realises that oh, no, the information she sought is not to be found with the only living relative of the one who was said to have been the last user of her Devil Fruit. In fact, he'd never even properly met her. Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best '^^
> 
> This chapter didn't quite want to come along... then again, I'm writing crack for other stories of mine rn.  
> Hope you like this chapter!
> 
> Have fun?

Soon after the submarine has dived down under, the fighting trickles off and the pirates collectively decide that retreating and falling back deserve more of their attention than the half-hearted attempts of the now-rather-demoralised marine soldiers behind them.

Whitebeard’s head nurse seems to have managed to bully the man into turning around and aiding in the retreat efforts – the Emperor’s days haven’t been counted yet, huh? And – is that Whitey Bay berating the old man on the way back? It certainly appears that way, when she doesn’t let him get a word in edgewise. No dramatic last words before he leaves are allowed, judging by the contrite faces on the pirates accompanying their “father”.

Sengoku’s headache triples in size as he watches over the mayhem that is left over in the wake of – oh, he’ll blame the bulk of this on Strawhat Luffy, he thinks, throwing a quick glance along with a reproachful look at Garp while he is at it. The boy has already shaken the world by declaring war on the World Government, might as well add to his deeds, now. As for Gol D Ace… well. The grimace threatening to break out over his face is barely kept at bay by the presence of his surrounding underlings.

The uncomfortable near-silence that befell Marineford at the, frankly, quite unexpectedly unorthodox departure of the main character involved in that war is broken by an unnatural laughter, announcing the arrival of yet more unwelcome guests to the party.

“ZEHAHAhaaaaaaaaa?” it peters off uncertainly, the gestalts taking in the bemused staring everyone is prone to now that the worst is done and over with.

“…” the Fleet Admiral lets his glower speak for itself – and hey, maybe it’ll do the job and transforms the newcomers into bottles of sake? Weirder things have happened that day, he wouldn’t put it past the Devil Fruits not to come up with one that can transfigure living beings into a liquid that he would very much like to have in his hands right at that point.

“…”

“Ensign, did you see this coming?” a random marine captain dares ask their underling.

And then, and then.

There’s bubbles coming through the middle of Marineford’s bay and oh, Sengoku’s so. Done. By that time that he doesn’t even react to the newcomers that jump off their ship as soon as it comes close to the icy shores.

“What’s going on here?” Redhead asks, a hand leisurely lying on top of his scabbard.

Is it the nerves? Is it the threatening atmosphere the man exudes? Is it to accelerate and smoothly transition into the proverbial licking of the marines’ wounds?

He doesn’t know why exactly, but… as one, both Garp and the one he knows as Blackbeard have the knee-jerk reply of answering, “ _Nothing!_ ” in a voice that is both undignified and rather reminds Sengoku of someone who’s got caught red-handed with their hands in the figurative cookie jar.

Sengoku lifts a hand to raise it to the bridge of his nose in aggravation. A facepalm would be undignified, wouldn't it, in his position as the Acting Fleet Admiral?

The sigh he releases is halfway exasperated, halfway downright frustrated at how that day has turned out.

With an uncharacteristic eyeroll, he resolves to blame Garp first and foremost.

The man has had it coming for years.

* * *

Oh she could start crying, all she’d wanted was for some information on her Devil Fruit but noooooooo, instead it had to be a battlefield she was loaded off to.

Bonney is morose and pouting. Her back to the room, she’s left sipping and blowing bubbles dejectedly into a drink of her choice – a banana smoothie she’d ordered and a banana smoothie she’d gotten, freshly made by the twitchy bear, if his muttering was to be believed –, while the rest of her entourage was discussing shop.

Honestly, watching the rest of the war play out on the tiny little screen the Tang’s crew had procured from somewhere was by far more entertaining than this is. After all, Magma man faceplanted _through_ the ice, not just into it, and the image of the marines dragging him out before the connection cut – his face resembling that of a wet dog’s more than anything else – was rather satisfying to watch, really. That’s what he gets for almost burning her hair.

To say that she’s regretting her life choices and deeply regrets choosing to trust someone like Shakky, is to put things lightly. Next time she visits, she needs to prank the older woman. Somehow.

The child versions of the one Shakky had told her would have secret information about her Devil Fruit and Strawhat Luffy are somewhat unhelpful in lifting her mood.

Practically from the get-go she’s cornered Gol D Ace and made him spill what he knew about her Devil Fruit – when he’d only been confused and, well, yet more confused at her questioning, she’d realised that oh. He didn’t know shit, did he?

Her question if he’d ever even met his mother had brought to light that no. He hadn’t. And that was that, as far as she’s concerned.

What a bummer to spend a day’s adrenaline on!

Her bubbling gets more intense.

No, he could stay in that form for the day. No, she won’t change them back. Not until she has more information, she won’t. No matter if they manage to get. On. Her. Last. Nerve. By dancing around her and hanging off her arm (in Strawhat’s case) and whining in frustration and demanding loudly to be changed back and-

“Oh, to hell with it!” she stands up all of a sudden, dislodging Strawhat’s arms from her arm and making him fall onto his butt in confused silence before-

A grin starts broadening his face and it’s like the fucking sun is shining at her and another tic forms underneath her right eye and-

She lays a hand on his shoulder and transforms him into an old man.

“There. You want that too?” with a challenging look, arms akimbo, she turns to Gol D Ace’s wide-eyed expression as he stares at his younger brother in shock. “No? Good. Then Leave. _Me_. **_Alone_**.”

With her glare deterring the rest of the peanut gallery from bothering her again, she is left to stew over her own frustration in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this one~
> 
> Please don't hesitate to leave a comment, dear readers! I love those!!! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [stereden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereden/pseuds/stereden) for giving me the plot bunnies necessary to write this... XD hope you liked it!  
> This was written on the 14.05.2020.
> 
> ... alright, then. See [this post](https://aibhilin-atibeka.tumblr.com/post/631599672800215040/aibhilin-atibeka-ao3commentoftheday-work-in) for more info on this story.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you're in the mood to?


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